First of all, let me just state firmly for the record that Brazilian coffee is, of course, great. I had possibly the best espresso of my life at the Coffee museum, but walk into any café you like and you’ll find a great espresso.

The problems arise when you want to add milk. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not critizing Brazilian coffee! I know that it’s my own fault for wanting to ruin a great espresso with warm milk. In fact, that seem to be the Brazilian way of looking at it: you either want coffee, or milk. So if you order coffee with milk, chances are you’ll end up with coffee coloured milk or so much foam that you have to dig your way down to any hint of coffee. Order a cappuccino and it might be covered with so much cacao that it turns into a, delicious of course, hot chocolate.

It’s even worse if you want a large coffee. I usually do, but large in this context means “same amount of coffee, more hot water”. And then they add the milk.

Today I’m going to experiment with saying “um café grande, por favor, com un pouco leite” and see if it helps. Either that or just ordering two coffees at the same time and pretend one is for my imaginary friend.